DID THIS ANIMAL HAVE A BETTER LIFE THAN YOU?

NO THAT PICTURE IS NOT OF THE ACTUAL HORSE BECAUSE HE WAS NOT INFLATABLE BUT NOW HE IS IN HEAVEN WITH ALL THE OTHER HORSES AND ANIMALS THAT HAD TO WATCH RUTGERS FOOTBALL IN THE 1990s

PROPOSED: Lord Nelson, former Rutgers mascot and the only animal to ever receive an unsportsmanlike penalty call, lived a more productive life than the one you will have.

PRO:

Lived to the equivalent of 126 human years old; held the same job for 37 years, unlike you, you terrible disappointment to steady employment and your parents; pooped wherever he wanted without anyone complaining about it; never wore pants, ever. Earned an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for Rutgers in a game in 1994, making it one of the best influences on Rutgers football in the entire decade when it ran down the sidelines and told Army they could kiss his equine ass during pregame. Earned professor emeritus status; hung like a horse.

CON:

Could not read. Watched a LOT of bad Rutgers football. Never knew the ecstatic pleasure of taking socks off after a long day. Is dead.

VERDICT: Yeah, he probably accomplished more than you did or will. RIP, horse buddy.