An instantaneous survey of the teams in the best position for the College Football Playoff at this moment, led by the most revered and respected institution in all of amateur sports.
1. Florida State
America's team rode an unbroken wave of nationwide adulation and unblemished excellence to a 42-31 road win over a strong Louisville team that would probably win the SEC East. Eddie Goldman dominated along the defensive line, Dalvin Cook may have just become the next great Seminole running back, and Jameis Winston -- despite some early hijinks! -- once again played a flawless game down the stretch. All done with such integrity and consistency, and against the finest teams the nation has to offer!
What weight can crush the Seminoles' dreams when they already support heaven and earth on their mighty shoulders? A championship would be but another pebble on the mighty burden they already heave skyward with such ease! And without the intervention of outrageous luck, like freaky fumble recoveries for touchdowns!
Threats: Virginia (an AMAZING team that beat Louisville!), Miami (another ASTONISHING TEAM fresh off a convincing victory over a conference rival! Never mind which one!), and Florida (red-hot SEC powerhouse that just defeated Georgia! Again, let's not act too particular about circumstances!).
2. Auburn
More than 250 yards through the air and on the ground, Nick Marshall moving in eerie sync with his coach's hyperspeed brainwaves, and Cameron Artis-Payne suddenly learning to break tackles means Auburn is burning along at its new standard November cruising speed of around 35 points a game. They even threw in four sacks on Bo Wallace to nod politely in the direction of defense, and sealed the 35-31 win over Ole Miss by forcing Laquon Treadwell to fumble just shy of the goal line on a potential game-winning TD for the Rebels.
This is a video of that play:
Don't go find it. Just take our word for it, and just remember that Auburn is slowly looking more and more like the team that made the title game last year, and less and less like the team that struggled against Mississippi State early in the Tigers' only 2014 loss.
Threats: Only Alabama in the Iron Bowl, really. Georgia lost to Florida, and any team that loses to 2014 Florida has massive problems.
3. Mississippi State
Won 17-10 over ... well, help us fill this role. Need a character actor. Big shoulders. Large features, capable of putting real color into a role. Endearing, lummoxy, and with an inability to do anything but sort of barrel through life cheerfully stringing loss after loss together with no lack of enthusiasm.
You say Arkansas? Sure, that's just the team to play this part. Gotta really get into the part where it gets three turnovers and has the ball at the end of the game with a chance to win, but still throws an interception and gives a sleepy Mississippi State team a mostly forgettable win highlighted only by Dak Prescott's 331 yards passing.
Threats: Alabama in two weeks. The Egg Bowl, looming at the end of the season.
4. Oregon
Stanford's clearly a notch or two below the standard of recent Stanford teams. Still, the board says 45-16, Mariota was mostly flawless, and most importantly, the Ducks' offensive line is getting healthy at just the right time, i.e. just in time for a home stretch through the schedule and into a possible Playoff spot.
Did you see Mariota criticized by an anonymous scout this week as being "too nice?" Mariota set Stanford on fire and did it with a smile on his face. SUCH A NICE BOY.
Threats: A wounded and pissed-off Utah team in Salt Lake City next week, and whatever Oregon State team decides to show up for the Civil War.
JUST MISSING THE FINAL FOUR DUE TO THE BYE WEEK
Alabama. You never defeat the bye week, but the Tide have nothing to worry about here, as they play both Mississippi State and Auburn and have the best chance of any team in the nation of elbowing their way into the Playoff convincingly.
Michigan State also struggled with the bye week, and at 7-1 is a clean slate and a Big Ten Championship Game win away from serious Playoff candidacy.
SITTING WITH ONE LOSS IN THE BIG 12'S BUCKET OF CRABS
TCU, the Big 12's strongest representative over the past two weeks, is in the foyer after a 31-30 win over West Virginia in Morgantown.
Baylor, which beat TCU but then lost to WVU, stands just ever so slightly behind the Frogs due to a slightly softer schedule. (Remember: TCU's big out-of-conference win was Minnesota.)
Oh, and Kansas State plays all three of the aforementioned teams over the next month and only has a loss to current top-four member Auburn. "Like the SEC West's round-robin game of murderball, this will work itself out pretty nicely by December 1," he said, forgetting what a mess this will probably become.
ONE-LOSS TEAMS WITH ONE REALLY BAD, POSSIBLY DISQUALIFYING LOSS IN THEIR PASTS
Ohio State, which kept Illinois' win streak at one with a 55-14 blowout, but which also still lost to a bad Virginia Tech team earlier this season.
Arizona State, winners of a gritty, 19-16 OT win this week over gritty, winner-y Utah, and proud owners of a home blowout loss to UCLA.
Duke, winners against Pitt in a 51-48 OT victory who lost 22-10 to three-loss Miami earlier this year.
NEBRASKA?
I mean ... sure, they get a chance to make the Big Ten Championship Game, win, and continue all that good stuff they did in a 35-14 win over Purdue. It could happen. Stop laughing and petting your imaginary cat, Faux Pelini.
NOTRE DAME?
Beat Navy 49-39, but is ranked so poorly at No. 10 that even with a late, noble loss to FSU, it doesn't have the schedule remaining to really pull any serious consideration at this point.
ONE-LOSS TEAMS THAT HELPFULLY BECAME TWO-LOSS TEAMS THIS WEEKEND TO SIMPLIFY THIS PROCESS
Arizona, East Carolina, Georgia, Ole Miss, and Utah.