A weekly ranking of only the teams that must be ranked, and not a single team more. (If you’re looking for the top 25 polls, they’re over here.)

1. Oklahoma

The entire point of the Top Whatever is to only talk about the teams you want to talk about, based on what they did this week. So it’s time to talk about Oklahoma and how you do not ever want to piss off Baker Mayfield in a revenge or underdog game scenario, ever, because he will beat you 31-16 at home, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

On the road, without a game-breaking receiver or running back to lean on, and playing against a defense stocked with nothing but four- and five-star talent, Mayfield singlehandedly beat the Ohio State Buckeyes. That’s a dramatic conclusion for a game played as a team sport, but it’s the only place to end up after watching.

There are numbers, if you want them. His run game didn’t average three yards a carry; his offensive line did their best, but still allowed pressure in the pocket from Sam Hubbard and the rest of the Buckeyes’ front seven; his leading receiver was Dimitri Flowers, an H-back/fullback hybrid who, 30 years ago, would have been cracking heads with a linebacker on I-formation run plays. The Sooners won, and their leading receiver was a fullback.

That happened in part because Lincoln Riley, the first year head coach and former offensive coordinator, coached circles around whatever the Ohio State defense was trying to do. When the fullback hits you for receiver yardage, tight ends keep popping up uncovered down field, and motions and fakes free receivers gliding down the seams, you’re being outschemed. Ohio State has a serious problem in its secondary, true — Indiana putting up big yardage proved that — but it takes real creativity to allow 386 passing yards to a team without dominant receiving threats. The Sooners coaching staff deserves some credit there.

It also happened because Mayfield was not only insanely accurate, but insanely confident. He kept plays alive with his feet, often by staying within the pocket, playing hopscotch with rushers until someone broke free. Mayfield did little on the ground in terms of numbers, finishing with minus five yards himself, but that wasn’t the point. His ability to escape pressure showed up in receiving yards down the field.

On the drive to put OU up 17-13 in the third, Mayfield rolled out, evaded a defensive end, and laced a pass to receiver Mykel Jones over and through coverage he a.) created by rolling right, drawing the defense just a few precious feet forward and b.) beat with a perfect pass he ripped off on the run.

He was flawless, and it should have been so much worse. It really should have been so much worse, Ohio State. The Sooners fumbled twice in the first half, killing early scoring opportunities. The Sooners outgained Ohio State by 140 yards.

The Buckeyes’ offense reverted to 2016 form, with an inability to generate anything like a vertical passing game. A quick review of the tape reveals no one was open, but that’s not really an excuse, is it? After all, Oklahoma tore y’all up with a fullback. To be fair: he looked just as surprised as you were, which is just one of the things that made this game so much fun to watch.

Oklahoma’s No. 1 this week; possibly better teams who bore me aren’t.

2. Alabama

Beat Fresno State 41-10, still basically scrimmaging for the next two weeks until they play Vanderbilt, then Ole Miss. Maybe Alabama is scrimmaging for the next month, actually, now that I wrote it all down like that.

3. Lamar Jackson

A 47-35 win over UNC might be Lamar Jackson’s most impressive game yet: controlled in the pocket, measured with his scrambles, distributing the ball well, and yet still capable of breathtaking athleticism. The real terror is that Jackson had over 500 yards of offense by himself, accounted for six TDs, but still seems like he’s rising up the ladder of his potential.

The only quibble might be noting that UNC’s defense is so bad, it lost to Cal at home, and at this point seems more like an accomplice than something designed to stop anyone. Still: Any ranking should list Lamar Jackson. Louisville is along for the ride, and he’s steering.

4. Clemson

A 14-6 win over Auburn straight from bowels of bad, dark, 1980s SEC games. Let’s not talk about it any more than is absolutely necessary. Clemson QB Kelly Bryant played reasonably well against a vicious Auburn defense, the Clemson run game needs serious work, and Clemson’s talented and coming along. That’s about what everyone should expect of a retooling national champion, and everyone should remain really reasonable about this, as long as they’re facing offenses as bad as Auburn’s.

Auburn’s offense has caught some kind of wasting disease. It had 117 total yards, 23 of them on a single play. Every single play from this game on official Auburn game footage should be erased. Jarrett Stidham should assume a new identity. Everyone should start their lives over. You never watched this game, and neither did I.

5. USC

Get up here, Trojans. It’s possible to imagine USC outgunning Stanford in a shootout, but the shocking thing about a 42-24 win over the Cardinal in the Coliseum? USC ran all over, had two rushers go for over 100 yards each, and effectively ended the game by mashing out Stanford in the fourth quarter. The Trojan defense did so well, Stanford ended up passing 28 times and running just 26 times, which is antithetical to pretty much everything modern Stanford football considers holy.

Sam Darnold threw for four TDs and bounced back from a mediocre game against Western Michigan; Ronald Jones II runs like he hates you, and that is why you should love him.

6. Michigan

Not sweating an often frustrating, 36-14 win over Cincinnati because a.) Cincy’s defense is going to frustrate a lot of people this year, b.) Michigan’s offense was going to be a work in progress this season, and c.) Cincy did cut the lead to 17-14 in the third quarter, but the Wolverines took control and pulled away nicely.

They’re not perfect; it’s just that playing Florida’s offense can make you look that way. Michigan is learning on the job, and that means mistakes, and if you’re going to make them, you want to make them against Cincinnati, and not, yanno, an increasingly dangerous Purdue in two weeks. Yes, I typed “increasingly dangerous Purdue.” That’s a thing now, and we’ll all have to get used to it.

7. Penn State

It’s so hard to decide what to take away from beating a team like Pitt, 33-14. Penn State let Pitt dominate time of possession, but also allowed only 14 points. They got turnovers off Pitt, but judging from Max Browne’s armpunts on Saturday, that isn’t too hard? They won easily and didn’t get Saquon Barkley hurt, and that counts for a rousing success in a potentially tricky non-conference game in Week 2.

Also, they blew up a Pitt screen for a safety. That’s just our way of saying Pitt ran a screen in their own end zone and that no one should ever stop laughing about it.

8. Virginia Tech

A learning experience for young QB Josh Jackson in a 27-0 win over the Blue Hens of Delaware. The learning is that scoring more than 30 points against even Delaware is really, really hard if you can’t run the ball. Eighty-one team rushing yards against an FCS team is NOT confidence-inspiring — but it’s definitely learning.

9. Oklahoma State

Nothing to note from a situationally strange — who goes to South Alabama? — but otherwise breezy, 44-7 blowout of the USA Jaguars. The Pokes haven’t played a bit of bad football through two games against inferior competition, and they also really haven’t played anyone. Oklahoma State plays Pitt in Week 3 and TCU in Week 4, so ... yeah, you’ll have to wait on how they look against TCU for a real look at their potential.

Note: Pitt held the ball for almost 40 minutes against Penn State, picked up 24 first downs, and only scored 14 points. Pitt is running the Terrence Malick offense right now: it might not have a lot of points, but it will take forever to get to them.

10. Wisconsin

Twenty-nine first downs and a procedural, 31-14 crushing of FAU. How do you get 29 first downs and only score 31 points? SHOW US THE SEX.

ESPN

AHHHHHHH, that’s the sex. Wisconsin also turned the ball over twice, killing two scoring opportunities, but for the most part, the Badgers just lined up and power cleaned FAU’s defense for three hours. Wisconsin doesn’t believe in doing cardio, and results to this point more than back up that belief.

11. Georgia?

The question mark is for “what is beating Notre Dame worth?” in a sloppy 20-19 game that was less gunfight, and more two people with guns taking turns shooting themselves in the feet in front of an audience. Still a win, and the impressive parts were holding Notre Dame to under 300 yards and eking out enough on offense with backup quarterback Jake Fromm starting on the road.

12. LSU

45-10 over UT-Chattanooga. In the absence of any useful information from this game, here is an Etch-A-Sketch portrait of Ed Orgeron.

13. Washington

Beat FCS Montana, 63-7.

Still shook from watching the Huskies get dominated along the line by Rutgers, which just gave Eastern Michigan its first-ever win against a Power 5 team. EMU QB Brogan Roback has a transitive respectable showing against the Huskies now, and I’m not comfortable with that at all.

ANYONE ELSE?

No, and being undefeated isn’t enough to get mentioned, because 2-0 is undefeated right now. Washington State is undefeated. If you watched whatever that triple OT game against Boise State at 2:30 a.m. ET on Sunday was, then you understand exactly what I mean by this.