Ranking only the teams that really deserve to be ranked right now. If you’re looking for the polls, those are over here.

1. Clemson

Destroyed Louisville, 47-21. Let’s go through some comparisons that might or might not work here and see where it goes. The 2017 Clemson Tigers just walloped Louisville by a much larger margin than the national title-winning 2016 team did, and did it on the road. That’s impressive, especially when you consider how well Clemson was able to run the ball on Louisville (297 yards on the night!), and how consistently the Tigers’ mean-ass defensive line harassed Lamar Jackson.

Then again — just to tamp down too much optimism here — Louisville’s weaknesses are pretty consistent, too, and might have gotten worse for 2017. The defense is porous, the offensive line incapable of standing up to pressure, and if you can limit Jackson even a little, the Cardinals have few other options.

Clemson is really good, and in two straight games, has been bad for this particular Louisville team. Cautious optimism is fine, Clemson; I’m just preparing you for the inevitable “How is this team struggling against Wake Forest when we demolished Louisville” moment in October, because something stupid like that inevitably happens. (And yeah, usually involving Wake Forest.)

2. Oklahoma

Light work on the elliptical and some stretching in a 56-14 recovery-day win over Tulane. Maybe listened to a podcast and thought about what to buy at the grocery store for the week during the game, too. I dunno, just keeping it chill and easy.

3. Alabama

Sort of loitered through a 41-23 win over Colorado State, a Mountain West opponent who nearly put up 400 yards of offense on the Tide defense in Tuscaloosa. This gives something Nick Saban can be THEATRICALLY AGGRIEVED AT, which will drive A TOUGH WEEK OF PRACTICE, which will give Alabama SOMETHING TO SHOW THE HATERS NEXT SATURDAY.

It’s almost like Colorado State had the game pla—

—oh my god, Nick Saban really did this, knowing Colorado State could only be so competitive, even if it knew what was coming, thus convincing Alabama that it needed to improve after a sloppy performance.

There are master motivators, and then there is Nick Saban.

4. USC

The Trojans nearly suffered a transitive loss to Maryland after letting Texas take them to overtime, but stripped the ball from Longhorns freshman QB Sam Ehlinger in the second OT to win, 27-24.

According to anyone who watched this game on Twitter, USC quarterback Sam Darnold sucks until he doesn’t, at which point he becomes somewhere from very good to incredible. I was in the Coliseum; Sam Darnold looked like a very good quarterback playing without much support from his run game, working against an inspired defense that ran out of gas somewhere in the start of the fourth quarter. The last drive in regulation to set up a field goal was surgical, as were the throws he made in OT to put USC on top. If that’s when your quarterback is really brilliant, you’ll generally be just fine.

In summary: Stop NFL Draft Expert-ing in real time. Just stop. It’s not my job or your job, probably, and it demeans the whole story of how well Texas played and how brilliantly USC responded late to win. While we’re at it, leave poor Josh Allen alone. He plays in a state that has more elk than people in it. You go try finding a left tackle in that state who won’t get you killed against Oregon.

5. Oklahoma State

Could have scored a hundred on Pitt, but pulled up and decided to keep the rout to a respectable 59-21. That part about Louisville being a great matchup for Clemson, and Clemson being a really bad matchup for Louisville? Pitt’s defense is a great matchup for anyone right now, because the Pitt defense is every video of every fireworks factory explosion ever featured on Destroyed in Seconds. Oklahoma State really did just decide to stop scoring and take Mason Rudolph out in the third quarter.

Oklahoma State had four different receivers go over 100 yards on the day. Do not look at them without blast goggles, or put a cornerback without three years starting experience and a taser on wide receiver James Washington. That cornerback will die.

6. Mississippi State

Just blindsided LSU, 37-7, dominated every phase of the game, and yeah, we’re here. It’s Week 3, and Dan Mullen’s 20-year plan to conquer the SEC has passed the “frequently capable of thumping LSU” stage of things. The most shocking element: How Miss State’s defense made the new-look LSU offense look a lot like a bad, old, Les Miles offense on paper.

7. Wisconsin

Fat Kid sat on BYU in a 40-6 controlled demolition in Provo. Let’s check the Pizza of Time to see if Wisconsin did the Wisconsin thing.

Oh, BYU. You let Fat Kid eat most of the pizza, and that’s one strong indicator that Wisconsin got to do Wisconsin-type offensive things against you.

P.S. BYU’s offense in 2017, metaphorically speaking, is the guy in a competitive eating contest who eats two hot dogs and projectile vomits in every direction for an hour afterwards.

8. Michigan

Eh, nothing too new in a 29-13 win over Air Force at home. QB Wilton Speight and the rest of the offense is sort of struggling to finish drives, the defense is nasty and had its hands full with a super-disciplined triple-option team, and the Wolverines are a work in progress that is an undefeated work in progress. Please pardon their mess.

9. Oregon

49-13 flattening of poor Wyoming in Laramie. The usual, predictable deluge of points and yardage against a hopelessly overmatched opponent, but! Oregon plays Arizona State next week, so it’ll be worse next time! Arizona State’s defense just gave up 615 yards to Texas Tech and is a rolling debacle in 11 sets of color-coordinated cleats.

10. Penn State

Beat down Georgia State, 56-0. James Franklin continued his Revenge 2017 Tour by icing Georgia State’s kicker in order to line up his special teamers when Penn State was, yes, up by 56 points. James Franklin is 2017’s Coach Most Likely To Have A Simmering But Somehow Non-Fatal Case of Rabies.

11. Georgia

Shuffled FCS Samford through a 42-14 processing in Athens. 2017 Georgia’s really making hay off beating overpriced private schools, aren’t they?

OTHER UNDEFEATED TEAMS WE HAVE TO CONSIDER BUT WHO HAVE VERY TERRIFYING THINGS ABOUT THEM WE CANNOT SHAKE, EACH LISTED WITH THAT THING

• Washington. Embarrassed a struggling Fresno State, 48-16, but [still shuddering thinking about how Rutgers beat UW up on the line of scrimmage].
• TCU. Won the Iron Skillet in a raucous, 56-36 win over SMU, but again: unclear if beating Arkansas or SMU means a whole lot of anything in 2017. THANK GOD FOR HUGE BUYOUTS, BRET BIELEMA.
• Washington State. Beat hapless Oregon State, 52-23, but is Washington State.
• Virginia Tech. Hammered East Carolina, 64-17, but did that against East Carolina, a team whose defense is so bad, it’s already fired its defensive coordinator.
• Vanderbilt. Slugged out a 14-7 win over Kansas State, but is Vanderbilt.
• San Diego State. Upset Stanford 20-17, but the Cardinal might be a Southern Hemisphere-only team this year.
• Cal. what—
• Kentucky. You see the problem here with Week 3 rankings, right?

TEAMS WITH ONE LOSS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER

• None, it’s Week 3, go chill and think about what you did for a while. (Hi, Ohio State.)