THE STRONG AV CLUB ON THE PLAINS. For some reason K-State, along with The Mask and Catlab, bring A/V thunder that's disproportionate to the school's size/profile/whatever.
The wuuuuuuuuubbby dubstep is something Bill Snyder would slap you for making him listen to, though. He'd probably slap you with a hand full of Werther's like the Rock the rock spitting on his hand before a knockout. YOU'VE BEEN BUTTERSCOTCH'D, JABRONI. (Then Bill Snyder would politely hand you another butterscotch, and perhaps pull the ones stuck on your face off with a smile.)
KYLE VAN NOY BEATS SAN DIEGO STATE. The line for BYU's Kyle Van Noy is insane, but accurate: 3.5 tackles for loss, 1.5 sacks, a forced fumble recovered for a TD, an INT returned for a TD, and a blocked punt. Nothing else happened in this game, because everything of import that happened involved Kyle Van Noy. This really is not an exaggeration. He killed San Diego State, or at least held the garden hose attached to the tailpipe in the window of the car for them.
Also, Bronco Mendenhall's fist-pump is hilarity.
AU REVOIR, BOATMAN. Jet-ski enthusiast and bottle artillery specialist Tyler Bray is leaving Tennessee officially because he probably should for financial and logistical reasons. His Wonderlic will be a thing of joy and amazement for all.
THE LOW-KEY TROOPER TAYLOR, IF YOU WILL. Trooper Taylor might be the one you know by name, what with the towel-twirling and cap-wearing and such, but one of the SEC's quiet and most durable recruiting gangsters, Rodney Garner, is returning to Auburn, and it's actually big news for SEC recruiting for all the aforementioned reasons. Garner's immensely connected across Georgia, one of Auburn's biggest recruiting grounds, and is generally well-liked and low-key unlike some obnoxious towel fetishists.
SERIOUSLY STEROIDS AREN'T THE FIRST PLACE TO LOOK. The answer for weight gain in year one may be a lot sadder than the AP is thinking.
IT WOULD SUCK TO HEAR YOUR OWN HEART BEATING IN YOUR EARS. Sean McDonough's ear condition is improving, but still sounds like the most disorienting thing ever.
ETC: NimbleTV sounds chill. BEARS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE. Ahhhh man these leaves.