The Independence Bowl is now officially the Advocare Bowl. You may say to yourself: oh, Independence Bowl! Where art thou sexy flanks, thy endless Missouri versus someones, thy occasional freaky snow bowls! We say to this: never fear. For now you can have your very own Advocare Bowl, and in the process free yourself and your family from the fear and uncertainty of financial insecurity.
It's this easy. Simply mail an envelope filled with money to ADVOCARE BOWL SALES C/O STEVE WHO LIVES IN SHREVEPORT, LA. How much money? Only one to a million dollars less than the amount you want to get back from getting your very own Advocare Bowl! You will be sent an Advocare Bowl, along with instructions on how to sell Advocare Bowls to your friends.
Can I put together an Advocare Bowl myself? An Advocare Bowl can be assembled almost anywhere. Even in St. Pete Florida and Mobile, Alabama! You don't even need an allen wrench.
Do I have room for an Advocare Bowl? If Albuquerque, New Mexico does, then so do you.
Do I need to let the government know about this exciting business opportunity? You mean "non-profit venture," and no!
How is this profitable? We're so glad you asked. You are given referral money for encouraging friends, neighbors, and everyone else you know to open their own Advocare Bowl. You ask: doesn't that reduce the value of mine? Not on this demand curve, which is so ridiculous we call it THE DIAMOND CURVE.
We give your company bonuses for each bowl game you sell, and then plug you straight into the ESPN MONEY GRID. Then you just sit at home, rake in the money, and enjoy the life you and your family have always dreamed of living.
You may ask: but this seems too good to be true? The answer is yes, but there are lots of hard questions in this life, like "What's an Advocare?" and "Why does my milkshake taste like bleach?" Those are questions best answered by attorneys, aka the people you pay to deal with the pesky real world for you.
Let them do the talking while you do the walking, and just put that money in the envelope and start your journey to financial independence today. Don't think of it as a mountain you can't climb, but instead as a pyramid topped with the golden key to your future.
P.S. Best of all, your Advocare Bowl earnings are all TAX FREE, because you're doing this* for the kids.
*Driving a van full of hookers into a country club pool