We have a brief list of questions no one will ask at SEC Media Days, the thing that we sort of dread doing every year were it not for a few time-honored traditions:
- The insane Arkansas media openly wishing Bret Bielema luck and thanking him for being there. The Arkansas media, like the Arkansas fanbase, remains the dark horse secret weapon of real crazy for the SEC. Just when you think the Alabama cavalary's going to come over the top--BOOM! The Hawg Nation outflanks you like Gurkhas on the rampage trail, and takes heads and hands as they go.
- Anyone asking a question that starts with "talk about," if only to watch journalism purists wriggle in pain on the floor.
- The long, sad line leading up to the barrier keeping a still-closed Chick-Fil-A at the Wynfrey Galleria from the queue of bleary, hungover media types. It is one of the funniest/most sorrowful things I have ever seen.
- Walking up and down radio row and seeing if you can just grab a headset and walk into a broadcast. (It's happened.)
- Watching people live-troll Clay Travis in person. (He's quite good at handling it.)
- THE IRL QUESTIONING OF JOHNNY MANZIEL'S VIRTUE (new for 2013)
- The one session that runs out of questions miserably early. The frontrunner for this year: Mark Stoops.
- The one session that goes horrendously off the rails. Frontrunner for this year: Steve Spurrier.
- NO MORE LISTENING TO GENE CHIZIK THE HUMAN WHITE NOISE MACHINE
We're in errand and packing mode, but will rejoin you tomorrow with live coverage from SEC Media Days 1913.