IN THE BEGINNING IT IS ALWAYS DARK
[A ROAR, THEN NOTHING.]
Albert: Why is it so dark?
Empress Swampchild: In the beginning it is always dark.
Albert: What is that? Molly?
Empress Swampchild: No. It is one grain of sand. It is all that remains of my vast empire.
Albert: Football has totally disappeared?
Empress Swampchild: Yes.
Albert: Then everything has been in vain.
Empress Swampchild: No, it hasn't. Football can arise in you. In your dreams and wishes, Albert.
Albert: How?
Empress Swampchild: Open your hand.
She places the last remaining grain of football in his hands.
Empress Swampchild: What are you going to wish for ?
Albert: A Call of Duty edition Jeep Wrangler.
Empress Swampchild: [blank stare]
Albert: Sorry. It's been a long season. Shit, I don't know.
Empress Swampchild: Then there will be no Football any more.
Albert: How many wishes do I get?
Empress Swampchild: As many as you want. And the more wishes you make, the more magnificent Football will become.
Albert: Really?
Empress Swampchild: Try it.
Albert: Then my first wish is...
[soaring Giorgio Moroder music]
Percy Harv-cor: Do you like it, Albert?
Albert: PERCY, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THERE IS A TOUCHDOWN OVER THERE!
Percy Harv-cor: More than one of them!
Albert: And look! Completed pass! And a game without personal fouls! HELLO GAME WITHOUT PERSONAL FOULS!
Percy Harv-cor: ROAAAAAAARRGGHHHH----
[the scene goes black]
[Albert wakes up in his squalid bedroom. He checks his phone.]
The University of Florida pic.twitter.com/2mZexXnC2u
— Adam Stawara (@AdamStawara) November 25, 2013Albert: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.