Good morning, here's Marcos Valle looking awesome
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/KbBUrpAqZHA" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe> "Estrelar" by Marcos Valle, a piece of early 80s Brazilian disco-funk set to what...
View ArticleClik here to view.
10 very thoughtful points on the USA's win against Ghana
Or: 10 things I wrote down at the bar in between heart attacks as 22 soccer players did their damnedest to kill me.1. Scores are forever lies. For instance: this game is going to sit on the books as...
View ArticleClik here to view.
World Cup viewing guide: Time for some Belgium
Belgium vs. AlgeriaWhere: Estadio Mineirao, Belo Horizonte. Be careful: the whole place belongs to brawling Colombians now.What I'm watching Belgium for: To see if a team that has its dreaded "Golden...
View ArticleClik here to view.
WE JUST STEPPED ON THEIR FACE (BRAZIL REMIX)
LARRY MUNSON WOULD HAVE MADE A FINE SOCCER ANNOUNCER OH, HI THERE. We've been on the mothership living la vida soccer for the better part of the past week, but we'd be negligent if we didn't share the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
World Cup viewing guide: A day packed full of aggression
The two early games are must-see. The late game is not.Colombia vs. Côte d'Ivoire - 12 p.m. ET, ESPNWhere: Estadio Nacional, BrasiliaColombia 2, Ivory Coast 1: Colombia manages two-goal lead to earn...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Simpsons got Pele right, even without knowing Pele
The best part about the soccer sequence in "The Cartridge Family", the Simpsons episode most relevant to any World Cup? The Simpsons' writing staff went in big on a "Pele loves cash" joke without even...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL WAITS FOR MARK EMMERT TO TAKE THE STAND
FEET, JUST FEET FLYING INTO MOUTHS EVERYWHEREMark Emmert will be taking the stand in the O'Bannon trial today. If you are not familiar with Mark Emmert's superpowers as the most boring X-Man of them...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The starting eleven: rappers
1. We're kind of playing a loose 4-2-3-1 here, if you're wondering about the formation.2. Starting in goal, we needed length and athleticism. At around 6'5" and with a not insubstantial high school...
View ArticleClik here to view.
World Cup viewing guide: Can Costa Rica really annoy the English?
Italy vs. Costa Rica (12 p.m. ET)Where: Arena Pernambuco, RecifeWhat I'm watching Italy for: Pirlo's beard, the same thing everyone else watches Italy for. It would be nice to see Italy firm up the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Get away from my soccer team, Piers Morgan
Everything Piers Morgan touches turns to shit. Stay away from our soccer team, Piers. I am now supporting the USA in this World Cup. — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 20, 2014You may hate Piers Morgan...
View ArticleClik here to view.
World Cup viewing guide: Germany and Ghana should be sneakily intense
Argentina vs. Iran (12:00 p.m. ET)Where: Estadio Mineirao, Belo HorizonteWhat I'm watching Argentina for: Messi, and to see if Iran can raise any red flags regarding Argentina's rearranged back four on...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Team USA and the terrifying snowmobile of love
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."How you feel this morning about losing a draw to Portugal last...
View ArticleClik here to view.
WELL IT'S TOO BAD Y'ALL HAVE TO WORK THAT HARD
STEVE SPURRIER REMINDS YOU AGAIN THAT WORK AIN'T HARDWell----[clears throat]Looks like a damn shame, again, for you. All y'all watching film in the offseason. Making sure you talk about how much film...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL: YOU ARE NOW GUILTY OF A CRIME
THE INTERNET, EXCEPT FOR ONE MAN, IS IMPRESSEDAAHHHHHHHH. The worst part about recruiting is not the potential, and the total lack of context. Mind you, it's not cool, that lack of context. For...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Leave your job for 2 hours and watch the United States play Germany
For America, for truth, for liberty, and because there is nothing your boss can do about it If you leave work early to watch the United States play Germany, there will be no lost productivity, because...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE USMNT SURVIVE, ADVANCE AND NAP
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWE LOST AND WE WON AND THE UNITED STATES MEN'S SOCCER TEAM ARE OUT OF THE GROUP OF DEAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHHHH.THIS MAY NOT BE ACCURATE BUT I...
View ArticleClik here to view.
IT'S A TITLE YEAR, THERE ARE SIGNS
NOT EXACT SIGNS, BUT DEFINITELY SIGNSYou might look at a two-headed alligator turning up in the Hillsborough River and think a lot of things: genetic accident, a terrifying instance of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL: SOUTH CAROLINA AND TEXAS AGREE ON SOMETHING
THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT The new South Carolina and Texas A&M rivalry has very little history behind it-- as in none, since the two teams have never played football against each other, and have to...
View ArticleYou'll never have this, Belgium
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/h5fxVvvHRhs" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe> It's Dolly Parton playing the Benny Hill theme forwards and backwards. Even if...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The USMNT in Brazil: Hope sleeps on the couch
1. Wondolowski almost had it: on the foot, nothing in front of him but the notion of the possibility of the chance appearance of the goalkeeper. In stoppage time, the United States got the ball in the...
View Article