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Notes on surviving a Disney vacation
It's a sport and you will lose every time, parent.You travel as the concierge to narcoleptic, emotionally unstable, untitled aristocrats. Every vacation with children is escorting King George III on...
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OKLAHOMA DID THE RIGHT THING AND NOW ONE MORE THING
TAKE THEIR TICKETS Bob Stoops did a good and right thing that we should all know was right and good. Oklahoma football cancelled practice and instead made a silent display of walking out and praying...
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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL NEVER GOES TO CLUB LA VELA
NEVER NEVER NEVER GO FULL PCBDak Prescott (1) won't be pressing charges against anyone in the assault (2) that left him bloodied outside a Waka Flocka (3) concert at Club La Vela (4) in Panama City...
View ArticleA JIM HARBAUGH STORY THAT FEELS TRUE ENOUGH
At this point, Jim wants to run some routes. Stationary targets aren’t enough. So, he tells the two girls doing the catching, "you run straight 10 yards and turn around. The ball will be there when you...
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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER SWEEPS THE OSCARS
THE OBC PUTS DOWN HIS FIVE IRON FOR TEN SECONDS TO FLEX ON YOU HOLLYWOOD FOOLSDon't worry about Matthew McConaughey not picking up any awards for Interstellar. Any Longhorn fan's used to a pointless...
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FLORIDA GETS THIRD VICTORY IN A ROW
HELLO DYNASTYFlorida football is on a three victory streak. First: a triumphant win over East Carolina in the Birmingham Bowl, complete with what turned out to be literal pants-shitting effort from...
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DEAR AUBURN: LEAVE THE DOG ALONE
IT IS BY NAME A CAT SCHOOL, AFTER ALLTrust this advice from a fan of a team whose players and their interactions with dogs have never gone well: leave the dog alone. Yes, that is an adorable dog. All...
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Reviewing the terrifying dogs in Westminster's 'Working Group'
The Westminster Dog Show reviews its most massive and terrifying group tonight, the Working Group. Thus follows a terrifying review of the working group, mostly comprised of dogs designed for war,...
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Notes on surviving a Disney vacation
It's a sport and you will lose every time, parent.You travel as the concierge to narcoleptic, emotionally unstable, untitled aristocrats. Every vacation with children is escorting King George III on...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL NEVER GOES TO CLUB LA VELA
NEVER NEVER NEVER GO FULL PCBDak Prescott (1) won't be pressing charges against anyone in the assault (2) that left him bloodied outside a Waka Flocka (3) concert at Club La Vela (4) in Panama City...
View ArticleClik here to view.
OKLAHOMA DID THE RIGHT THING AND NOW ONE MORE THING
TAKE THEIR TICKETS Bob Stoops did a good and right thing that we should all know was right and good. Oklahoma football cancelled practice and instead made a silent display of walking out and praying...
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DAK PRESCOTT OPENS NEW LEGAL FRONTIERS
GET ON THAT, LAWYERSLawyers of the world needing a bold new field to specialize in: please consider the pressing issue of haters' law. With the increasing prevalence of haters, hateration, and...
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IRISH PUB NAMES
YOU'LL BE DRINKING AT ONE OF THESE TONIGHT IF YOU'RE NOT SMARTHarp and ZuneKidnapper's AlleyThe Horsebit NunFinnegan's #WOKEBlight HowardMcGouty'sSir Hossis' Scarlet CheeksThe Death of FeelingsJohn D....
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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL IS LIKE WHATEVER
GO AHEAD JUST WATCH SOME BASKETBALL Just do it, you filthy swine. Give into your laziness. Just go watch basketball.No, no, no, don't apologize. Apologies are lies. Be you right now. Sure there's...
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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL IS WORTH $5 MILLION A YEAR
JIM HARBAUGH IS GOOD AT LITERALLY EVERYTHING INCLUDING LATE STAGE CAPITALISM Jim Harbaugh's expertise knows no bounds: the ins and outs of pro-style offenses, football conditioning, actual mean-ass run...
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IN DEFENSE OF: TIM BECKMAN
HE'S BEEN BAD TO MIDDLING, BUT THAT'S PRETTY GOOD FOR ILLINOISHe's not that bad because:Have you seen Illini football? As in the historical construct of Illini football? Deng Xiaoping had people run...
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Top Gear is dead
A fool always crashes the car Top Gear, the most popular automotive show in the world hosted by your hostile, chain-smoking racist uncle, is over. Or at least the version you knew best, hosted by...
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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL HAS NO REGRETS ABOUT POOPING ITS PANTS
IT HAPPENS AND YOU CAN LEARN FROM IT Sometimes, a team needs a maypole, a rallying point, a symbol of both their current situation and the attitude necessary to get out of that situation. Sometimes,...
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DEAR SHREVEPORT, OUR OFFER OF NOTHING STANDS FIRM
THE PRICE IS FINALLY RIGHT. IT'S TIME TO SPONSOR A BOWL GAME.The Independence Bowl remains the greatest of our December 27th bowls, and yet somehow does not have a sponsor on this, March 26th of 2015....
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What it's like watching a basketball game called by Reggie Miller
Reggie Miller won't stop talking and this is what it feels likeReggie Miller just asked the professor a question that wasn't going to be on the test. Honestly, I don't even know if it was a question....
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